I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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