And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
