ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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