the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
