so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
