he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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