Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
