you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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