I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I cockslap morals
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize