I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
