You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
