besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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