I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize