Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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