He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
