No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
