btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
