my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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