im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
