C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
