I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
