I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
