I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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