Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize