some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
