I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
