Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
