i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
