i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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