Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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