Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize