he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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