and she was petting her beer can
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
