Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
