i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
this hospital has no fireball
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
