I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
