you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
