I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm always down for nudity.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
