he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
