I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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