the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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