So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The feeling are messing with the penis
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
