Just fell off a train. Bad.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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