Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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