First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize