dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
the raccoons are back...
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