I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
