i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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