my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
