he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
