call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
