His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
