My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
