I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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