I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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