What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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