i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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