Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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