I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
