Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
