she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
