Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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