i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
