I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
