i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
