yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't put those talents on a resume
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
