i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
