College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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