Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
