Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
