so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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