my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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