So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
