Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
