and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
