Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
