Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
