Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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