I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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