i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
