I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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