I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize