He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
