it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
