so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
