I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
