The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
