my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
