Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize