I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize