What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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