I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
