I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
